None of these things really warrant their own entry so here is an incoherent list of things that are pissing me off lately!
Bullshit Ring Sizing
I bought this two-finger dachshund ring on ASOS a little while ago because a) it was on sale and b) I love stupid things with dachshunds on it. It’s genetic, alright, my mom has so much dachshund paraphernalia including a PIE SLICER and TOPIARY BUSH, so if anyone is to blame for this, it’s probably her.
So I bought this dumb ring, and the first qualm I had was when I realized ASOS only offered it in small, medium, and large, not actual ring sizes. But whatever, I know I have very small hands, so go with the small, makes sense. OR SO I THOUGHT. But when it came in the mail, of course it didn’t fit.
First of all, the two ring holes are the same size. I don’t know about you dudes, but none of my adjacent fingers are the same size. The closest ones are my main and middle fingers AND THIS DUMBASS RING DOESN’T EVEN FIT ON THOSE. I have some tiny damn hands, and if your small is too small for them, IT’S TOO SMALL PERIOD. FULL STOP.
So it won’t fit on either of those fingers, and thus won’t fit on my middle and ring finger because my middle finger is still too big. TECHNICALLY I could wear it on my ring finger and pinkie, but it’s obviously way too big for my pinkie (BECAUSE IT’S NOT A PINKIE RING, SURPRISE), and anyway, that would look stupid even if it did fit.
So THANKS FOR NOTHING, ASOS ring sizers, now I have a real neat ring that can live a long full life shoved in the back of the drawer on my coffee table.
Door To Door Assholes
Lately we’ve been getting a lot of people coming to our door from some energy efficiency group. I’m not totally sure what their deal is, but they want to talk to us about our windows and our furnace and to see a copy of our gas bill. Which, okay. I get that these people just work for the company, they’re not the masterminds, but I AM NOT INTERESTED. I wasn’t interested the first time and I’m still not interested the 5th time.
I just want to sit in my living room in my underwear in peace and not have to drape myself in a Slanket to answer the door and tell them to go away for the 80th frigging time. And I probably could just not answer the door, but most of the time I have my blinds open so they can see me sitting there watching another episode of Say Yes to the Dress, so I can’t really pull off the whole “no one’s home” thing, at least not convincingly.
Plus, the last guy we got was really pushy. And again, I get it, your job. Cool. But if I’ve told you no, we’re still not interested, and I’m physically CLOSING THE DOOR, that is not an invitation to keep talking. And it’s ABSOLUTELY not an invitation to continue your pitch through my living room window. Go away forever.
PT Cruisers
I got cut off by like, four of these the other day. Why do people still have these? Do they know what year it is? I don’t feel like I have to elaborate on this.
The Ides of March
Dude, FUCK THIS MOVIE. Charles and I went to see it last weekend. I wanted to see Drive, but apparently it has been pulled from our theater, so as a consolation we picked a different movie featuring Ryan Gosling. I figured it would be pretty good.
And okay, it wasn’t a BAD movie. It was well done and all that. But it was also SO MISOGYNISTIC. Like, jaw-droppingly so, and I kind of expect everything to be steeped in misogyny these days.
I don’t know, I don’t want to go into a full-on rant about this, but two things for the record:
1) Shockingly, you ARE allowed to have female characters (even in political thrillers!!!) that DON’T fall into either the “doomed naive waif with no personality,” “hard-nosed bitch with no personality,” or “loving wife with no personality” archetypes. Based on the three female “characters” (and honestly, calling it three is being generous, since George Clooney’s wife was on screen for about 40 seconds total), I’m assuming no one involved in making the movie was told this.
2) If all of your main action that ~shapes the male characters~ is entirely driven by the misfortunes that befall one of your female non-characters, and yet that female remains totally undeveloped and is basically only there to be a pretty-looking catalyst for the men to smolder and scheme… YOU MIGHT BE A MISOGYNIST. Sorry, y’all. Still luv u, Ryan Gosling, but gotta spit truth on this one.
SO IN CONCLUSION I’m pretty over all of these things. So if you happen to be a misogynistic door to door ring sizer who drives a PT Cruiser, I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Sorry, bros.
Tags: jewelry, movie reviews, yelling
